The place of all the hidden pains...

it was a day like all the other days..
I woke up..the sun was shining..it’s summer..hot..no fresh air…
just warmth of the sunshine coming through my window…
all was good..someone would say..
but I wasn’t..my heart was beating fast..my mind was crazy from all the memories..

I decided to go there..
to the place of sorrow ..
to the place of all the hidden pains..

I came there..tears came out I felt them deep in my stomach..
I was there just to cry..to let it all out…to release myself from this burden..
I always wondered will it ever go..will there be an ending to this misery that I call life..
no one knows..people just listen to my words..they don’t understand the feeling..
this place is where I feel safe..this is the place where I say the truth..where I cry…where I scream…

it’s hard to let it go..my heart is still yearning for that dream that I created..
waking up was hard..I still cry every time when I remember that moment when I realized..
that dreams will not come true..

all this time I was trying to make them real..
life would be good..I thought..
just if this happens…just if that happens..
but life has another plan for me..

my tears won’t stop..I feel so much pain inside..but still..I feel so safe here..
I feel like I came home..

like I should stay here ..

I feel like I am standing upon my grave..

I know now..
this was not a dream..the dream was me waking up..
sun was a dream…
hot air was a dream…

my reality is cold..
my reality is under this ground..
my reality is death…

and NOW I woke up.